


Double Band

by YoRiSeiKu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 23:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoRiSeiKu/pseuds/YoRiSeiKu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could you carry all of Humanity's hope in spite of everything?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Double Band

**Author's Note:**

> I actually finished this sometime ago but I FORGOT to post it.
> 
> Hence it was deleted. Now that I've re written it, it became longer. :D
> 
> Single serve completed.

There was always this mysterious curiosity around Captain Levi. Something compelling yet intimidating, something admirable yet detestable. His command is absolute, his decisions not only extends to his squad but for the benefit of all. Well, of course he's socially awkward too. And an incurable clean freak. Not to mention a rude, foul-mouthed jerk. But all in all he's okay. Really!

Well... who am I kidding? Every one is afraid of him either it be Trainees, Cadets, Privates, or those even not under him. Even Lieutenant Hanji treads carefully on occasions.

His dedication for humanity's survival against the titans is impeccable, human life is precious for him and he doesn't believe in wasting it. But leave a dirty dish in the mess hall and you'd be at the receiving end of his patented 'come here and I shall make you feel pain' glare.

But what made him okay for me? No, we didn't had heart to heart chat, and no I didn't witness him petting a puppy. And he definitely didn't smile and became sunny cheery one day, That would be weird... the scary weird-left-side of weird.

No. It's just, I witnessed or almost witnessed something.

It was just after training. Almost everyone has already sludge off the gear room. I was late because I just had to have the misfortune of failing to do a demonstrated skill today. Courtesy of course of Captain Levi. Shadis, the tyrant that he is, made those who failed run extra laps. Finishing the punishment, I hurriedly went to maintain my gear while the others decided to catch dinner first.

The room was blessedly empty by then so I started my business. Just then Captain entered and ended up at the table after me. 

Of course I kept on sneaking glances, eager to glimpse a technique or a method on how to clean gear efficiently or if he's tweaking his gear for extra maneuverability. 

But it was just completely ordinary; he was mechanically oiling the gear, cleaning the gas canister chamber, wiping down the unused blade, replacing back the parts and refilling the gas canisters. Then repeat to his other gear. I was about to mind my own business when a light caught my eyes. It wasn't _that_ eye catching but the sudden reflection drew my eyes to Captain Levi's hands. To the jewelry on his hands precisely. It's a some kind of a double banded platinum jewelry on his left fourth finger. 

Apparently it also drew his attention as he suddenly let the blade he was inspecting clatter to the table. He didn't held it to the light, in fact it seemed like he froze when he saw it. He was staring at it blankly, what made me gasp is that the blank look was slowly melting to a feral glare.

Now, I know my parents are pretty proud of me in having good instinct, impeccable feel to my surrounding and a good head on my shoulder. 

At that instant.  _I knew._ _  
_

I knew that I was not meant to witness something.

And that gruesome and painful death awaits if I do.

My hackles rose and I choked another gasp as a warning to the Captain that there was still someone there, I didn't pause to breathe as I spew a hasty excuse, something about dinner and I flit to the door, slammed it closed and ran flat out until I reached the courtyard.

My knees was shaky because of the impromptu sprint and the sudden nausea that I felt. It wasn't the muffled crash and curses that was bothering me, It was the underlying grief and pain under that feral look. It was the silent scream that wanted to be let out. Crushing emotions that he was so afraid to let go. 

I swallowed and tried to steady my breath only to find that my mouth is dry. I shook my head. The Captain is just as human as any of us, closer to imperfection just like us. Experiences grief like a normal person. Beneath the blankness of his expression, and the rudeness of his words, he  _feels_  crushing emotions. Just like any of us. 

I started to go to the direction of the mess hall and stopped as I stared at my hand. They were shaking slightly, remnants of the past adrenaline, as I realized that I left my gear unattended.  _Oh fuck... FUCK!_

Punishment for unattended gear is pretty severe and can be caused for dismissal. How much more if the one that caught you is the Captain?

 

\---

 

I was never graceful enough at the 3DMG but I compensated for my precise attacks and landings. The training now consist of switching out nearly graduating cadets to experience what it is to work for the branches of the military. It was one of those days when I was assigned for medic duty at the clinic. Under Lieutenant Hanji of course. 

I was alone, and was slowly being paranoid out of my mind. Expecting Captain Levi to barge in any moment, whipping out my penalty and dismissal. Or just the pure thought that I would be seeing him no matter what, because _who_ wouldn't have gashes or wounds when you threw tables around?

And then where would you go if you have gashes or wounds? Yes. Clinic.

I was pacing around when the door slapped open and I almost jumped out of my skin. 

"Cadet Freya Isengard! How's the fort?" lieutenant Hanji greeted happily and bounded to the vacant desk. 

"No casualties as of the moment sir!" Hanji crowed a laugh and reached for a high five. Sometimes, I really find it hard to remember that she's been at the Corps longer than the Captain.

"Good, good! Now go get us some snacks, I'm starving. As usual the meeting was boring and they only said we have a small expedition to plan. Urgh. What a waste of a perfectly good afternoon."

I gave her a tentative smile and salute. "I'll be going then Hanji-san."

The nearer I get to the mess hall the more my tension evaporates, I even managed to cajole some biscuits and tea out of the recruits stationed at the kitchen.

Some loud noises was coming form the mess hall so I hauled of my spoils to deliver them when I saw the noisy one to be Squad leader Jean Kirschtein. He immediately zeroed in at the food I was holding and I deftly avoided him, kicking his shins when he made to grab one of the biscuits. I laughed as he hopped in place clutching the kicked knee exaggeratedly and I went on my way more light hearted.

At least it took off my mind of the imagined dread in meeting Captain Levi.

I bumped the door open with my hips not wanting to try my luck at holding the tray with one hand.

"Hanji-sa-*sucks in air* Captain Levi, Lieutenant Hanji. I brought some refreshments." I broke in a cold sweat and I beat myself up of my decision not to dally at the mess hall with Squad Leader Jean. I was dreading the moment that Captain Levi will look at me and mete his punishment. 

His head turned like in slow motion for me and he flicked a quick look at me and snorted.

"Congratulations Hanji, you a made a slave for yourself. Must have missed the memo you can make conscripts serve tea." Captain Levi drawled as if I was not present. Well, given his rude reputation, that didn't shock me as much.

Hanji just laughed his comment off and I dutifully served the biscuits and tea. Thanking any deity and holy being that my hands are not shaking with nerves.

"Yes, doing the task completely eh." the Captain made another snide remark, and I just shyly grimaced. Doing something half-assed is something I frown upon.

Hanji pointed a biscuit at him and replied. "Play nice Levi! No one complained when you had a personal slave!" The moment the words came out Hanji slapped a hand to her mouth and looked at Levi like death will bowl her over.

Captain Levi just stonily stared back and I had the very strong urge to run from the room. Hanji gave an awkward laugh and babbled on " ahahaha... SO! A short expedition eh? What'cha think? Higher ups giving us the exercise again? It could be a good opportunity to stretch our legs again. Personally I think it's refreshing. And it'll be a work-out for you to take out the kiddies."

The Captain rolled his eyes at the obvious topic change but he took it and I watch as the coldness and pain in his gray eyes turn to blankness again.

"Only someone as shitty and stupid as you will consider an expedition as refreshing."

I hurriedly excused myself before anymore landmines were activated. Hanji waved me off and I paused before continuing, awaiting word from the Captain, he just flicked me a disinterested look and returned to drink his tea in that weird way of his.

I shut the door to the clinic and heaved a relieved sigh. I wiped at the imaginary cold sweat on my forehead and proceeded to hunt the destroyed room where I had left my gear.

 

As I opened the door to the room, I was prepared to clean up the mess. But of course I was met with a completely ordinary room. The tables even look arranged in an exactly linear fashion. My 3DMG was piled at the last table and undisturbed. There was a plank propped against the far wall that looks conspicuously like a table sans it's legs. There were minute details of course, some noticeable cracks and dents at the wall, a window propped permanently closed with a wooden plank, no glasses. But the room was clean. Well that's the Captain for you. Maybe he gets equal satisfaction of trashing a room and cleaning. 

I went to inspect my gear and noticed the gas canister was refilled. I check the blades and everything was new. I dismantled it remembering that I haven't cleaned and maintained my gears that far last night. Everything is cleaned and nothing was missing. I was on the impression that some gears might be missing or sabotaged but it was all okay. 

I blinked to take in the implication this gives. Was the Captain buying my silence in his outburst in exchange for not reprimanding me of unattended gear? Seems like a good exchange. At least it gives me the peace of mind not to bolt every time I will have the impression of being in the presence of the Captain.

It also says something about the Captain, that if he's the one at fault, he'd be perfectly considerate of it. Well as far as we can stretch that word. 

 

\---

 

It's laundry day and I was pretty proud as I smelled the clean smell of my sheets and most of my uniform washed, hanged and left to dry to the warm sun. This was the day we were allowed out of our uniform. 

I was tempted to play at the small stream but I better stay out of trouble since I spied Captain Levi also doing his laundry. I was definitely improving as I'm not having the impulse to bolt every time I saw the Captain. I figured that it was best to forget that episode ever happened and just continue on. 

I dipped my hand to the cool stream to revel at the moment's respite. And I saw a ground washed green glass at the bottom of the stream, I was about to reach for it when a splash beside me startled me to a small scream (well not so small). Captain Levi spread his sheets at the stream washing it vigorously. 

"Isengard, help me with this will you." I just nodded and did as instructed.

When I finished my end, I saw captain pick something up from the stream. It glinted a pretty green from the light. I internally shrugged. Maybe the captain collect things like that? I've proven that he was just as human. There's nothing wrong with that.

I thought it was an isolated incident. And I had to re arrange my perception of the Captain when it happened again.

It was laundry day again, but I was at town, having finished my chores earlier. I was playing with the children on the market alley, I was a third child of six so it always gives me a little of home whenever I had the chance of playing with kids.

The little ones were playing marbles and a uniquely colored marble rolled to my boots and I picked it up. It was somehow like a green cat's eye. I was about to give it back when I noticed Captain Levi looking at it while having an armload of bags.

Having respect ingrained at me since I was young. I bowed slightly as I waited for him to pass. He stopped by me and asked what I was doing. I scratched my head sheepishly and explained my part. He put his load down and pointed to the marble I was holding. Having the suspicion from before, I handed him the marble and tried the neutral comment.

"It has a pretty color Captain. That color always reminds me of warm spring."

He just nodded, pocketed the marble and hauled his groceries. I was tempted to go back with him but I think that was pushing the Captain's good naturedness today too much. 

 

\---

 

It was one of those slow days. The sky was clear, the wind was crisp but not biting, it makes you think that there are no horrors out there beyond the wall. I shifted my weight again and squinted to the distance. Wall duty was what I initially signed in for. Purposely avoiding the top 10 so I won't land myself in the Military Police. I was aiming for the Garrison. Though I was also leaning on joining the Scouting Legion. But I know my father would turn in his grave if he heard that I joined the Scouting Legion. Still It's my choice. 

I heard, more than saw, a 3DMG plant it's hook at the side of the wall. Squad Leader Jean greeted the cadets posted with me at the wall exchanging small banters and asking how everything was. 

Today was the day the expedition was due back. Thinking back, I can't forget why that jewelry of the captain gives that kind of reaction from him. What is it?

So I hailed Jean waving him over.

"Uh.. Jean, hmmmm..."

"Oh god no. Not you too Frei! No more confessions! You girls are waaaay out of your league!"

I punched him on the arm and on the gut but he blocked me the second time around. 

"This is not about you Kirschtein! As if!"

He laughed weakly but kept silent to let me continue. 

"Ahh fuck it.. I was just curious as to why Captain Levi _wears_ this Jewelry on his finger."

"Jewelry? Are you sure? I don't thi-" I pointed to my left hand's fourth finger. 

"OH. That.." Jean's face contorted to a grimace as if he was remembering something completely unpleasant. 

"Uh. Is it inappropriate?" I asked in a small voice not wanting to interrupt. 

"Huh? Oh. No. Uh. And for the record, that's called a ring dumbass. You're a girl aren't you supposed to know that?"

"What is that supposed to mean? My family has been a refugee since I was small so no. I don't think jewelry is a luxury my parents could teach me. But I think my father told me something about it one time. Something like 'Make sure to find a man who can put a ring on your finger' or something like that."

"Well, that's close. A ring like that is supposed to be for matrimony. Marriage." He added after my confused looks.

"But it's double banded. Are you sure that's it? Not a tool or gadget for uh.. easier grapple gun spinning or something?" Jean cuffed me on the head and attempted to smile. But the grimace he gave was proof that what he remembered with the ring was something very unpleasant. 

"It looks double banded because he's actually wearing two rings. And you're supposed to be the girl. Seriously."

I deflected the hand that he reached to cuff me again. "But I never heard that the Captain married-" 

The look that passed on Jean's face was so sad that I actually had to remind my self that it was not my pain but other's. Pain, grief, regret. Just like the Captain's but less violent. 

I shut my mouth and stayed quiet, waiting for the moment to pass. When I think it safe that Jean won't burst out crying I mumbled an apology in a small voice, "I'm sorry..."

Squad Leader Jean turned his back and spoke quietly. "It was done and over. I won't say it was long ago because it doesn't feel like it. Just- don't ask anymore, it's not a good conversation starter for the Captain."

"B-but-"

"Isengard." Jean spoke lowly. My body was conditioned to respond to authority and I couldn't hold back my natural reaction, spine straightening "Yes sir,".

 I can see the squad leader's tense shoulders and he slowly releases his breath.

"Not all heroes are there to bask for the glory that is supposed to be theirs. Mostly it's even heaped on the wrong person." Jean walked away briskly and shot his grapple to a nearby building swinging away from the wall.

I closed my eyes and tried to make sense of it all.

_Glory that is supposed to be theirs. Cadet slave. Fixation to something brilliant green. Was that all connected? Could the captain have lost someone in an expedition? No that seemed petty for all the anger and pain I saw before. What could it be?_

 

\---

 

A cadet looking out the front alerted us that the expedition party has already come back. The party doesn't look depleted, but it would be foolish to wish there were no casualty. 

Maybe it was the gauge of a success or just the comfort that humanity will live another more day. But everyone craned their neck and squinted their eyes to look for Captain Levi. Humanity's Greatest Hope. I was already in training when I heard it like that.

The procession now a days are met with solemnity instead of the joyous ones they do before. Maybe the towns people had already lost too much too often and realized that they have to show respect for the remaining ones fighting. 

My perimeter is from a point just after Karanese then back to Trost. It was a long walk but I like perimeter checks, either alone or with someone accompanying me. We were trained to act and move fast when the situation needs it. But for now we were only allowed to relay information to any immediate officer and await orders in case of emergency.

I watched as the lines of soldiers reached the gate, some injured, others proudly riding their own horses. I see the Captain dismount and tether his horse to another that was being led to the stables. He deftly shot his grapple to a nearby building and maneuvered into climbing towards the wall.

The two cadets I was standing together with suddenly got busy with the venison they were counting and I was left with nothing to do but look out at the procession of soldiers towards the gate.

At last the gate shuddered to a close as the last of the soldiers was inside. I vaguely knew the Captain was also looking at the last soldier to come in but I refuse to turn and flee to avoid any awkward conversation or something unpleasant happening. The conversation with Squad Leader Jean was still pretty fresh and I don't think I have enough control on my curiosity to not blurt something inappropriate.

I heard a continuously faint hissing sound and I was sure it wasn't coming from me. I looked down to my gear and checked if it was mine. After thoroughly rechecking it, I curiously looked at the Captain and saw that he was watching me inspect my gear. He shrugged to indicate that it was, unfortunately, his gear.

"Is there a resupply point around here Isengard?" I opened my mouth to suggest exchanging gas canisters but then I remembered what about me? I wouldn't like to be stuck at the wall without the mobility of my 3DMG when titans attack. Captain or not, when faced with the enemy we are still left to each of our own. I clamped my mouth shut again and thought for a moment before nodding.

"Yes sir, just some 3 miles before we get to Karanese."

For some reason he nodded an approval. "Good, you're taking your patrol then?"

"Yes sir, up to Karanese point." So we started walking.

The faint hissing sound of the bust gas canister hangs in the air. It wasn't really that distracting but it obviously mars the quiet afternoon. 

"Fuckin canisters below standards now a days. If this is where we blow most of our military funds then I gotta talk to those bastards in QC."

I didn't know if I was meant to answer that or if he was grumbling to himself, so I just opted to stay quiet. He threw a look over his shoulder but still continued to walk. I didn't realize how short he really is until this moment.

"You under Hanji?" He asked after a moment.

"No sir. I'm a graduating cadet, under the rounds though. Hoping I'd never be stationed at the military police outpost."

He gave a bark of a laugh. But didn't comment. I guess it was against military code or something to bad mouth officers.

"Why did you want to be in the Corps?"

"I saw that it wasn't enough to just live behind the walls, if what people do inside the walls is living, then I don't accept it. There must be something more than this. It can't be just us and the titans. I want to help eradicate the titans so people can go out there and live. Even if killing one titan gives us that chance, then I would want to make that kill."

He didn't look at me but he replied, "Sickeningly noble." He snorted. "But true. Don't lose sight of that goal. You don't have family do you?"

"Not anymore... we were refugees from Shigansina. Then the attack from inside the wall... well I'm the only one left."

"Shigansina huh. Don't suppose you know Eren Jeager?"

"Oh yeah, The Titan shifter? Yeah his dad was pretty well known Doctor around our town. And he's always in a fight with the other kids, he used to play with my brothers though. I remember him as the kid with a smile for everything, I saw him once pretty beat up but still smiling and laughing with his friends."

I wasn't looking at anything so I almost bumped into the Captain when I noticed he wasn't moving anymore. I backed a bit more when I noticed that there was a tense line on the Captain's shoulder. Was he actually shaking?

"C-captain?" 

I took another step back as the instinct to flee grew.

"How far longer to the station?" If I didn't saw the tremor in his frame, I would have thought to my self that I was just imagining things. His voice didn't change and is just as flat and calm as before.

"A-about a twenty minute more walk." 

He exhaled noisily, and started walking again. I feel like I'm walking in thin ice and it was really awkward.  _What is it? What is it?? Did I say something offending? I just talked a bit about... Jeager... shit._ Holy.Shit. _Speacial operatives Eren Jaeger was under him. Think Frei, think!_

"S-sorry about Jaeger sir." Captain froze in his step again, he slowly swiveled to face me.

"Why the _fuck_ do you think you have to fuckin' apologize for _him_?"

"I-I meant sir, that what happened. The Military Police didn't have the right to do that, and I know everything around it was fishy and unclear."

"You don't have to apologize to me, go find his grave and say sorry to him or some shit like that." He crossed his arms and he looked like he was deciding against something."...What do you think happened?"

I was a bit startled that he was willing to talk about this. Maybe something really happened?

"The talk back in training was that he was hauled in for false charges because the Military Police wanted to handle him and take him off the Scouting Legion. But the Scouting Legion was making use of the shifting ability to fight against the titans. I saw those with my own eyes. But then at one of the Outer wall expedition... Private Jeager..."

I trailed off unsure what would happen if I continued my sentence. Captain Levi was trembling again, but he was facing away from me. 

"Jaeger, fought until his last strength, I always though I would be the one to end his life when he turns against humanity. But no, he surprised everyone. I so fucking wanted to believe his sacrifice is not put to waste. But everything inside these walls are ugly, so fucking dirty. They painted him as a monster, not fit to be acknowledged as a human. I was the one whose hands are stained by filthy blood, both humans and titans. But they make me as the Hero, I never wanted it, but they made me as their poster boy. Everything that Eren had already did will be gone if I chose now to expose how truly rank and disgusting the inner walls are. Those pigs don't deserve ideals like your's or like Jeager's."

The Captain paused his shoulders are moving up and down like he was trying to calm himself down.

"I promised him... I'd give my everything... the wall of fear outside to disappear... I promised..."

I can tell he finally calmed down but I wasn't thinking that. 

 _How could you carry all of Humanity's hope in spite of_ everything _?_

I don't understood his everything, but the Captain's reason must be pretty important for him to bear all those in.

I shivered as the respect I acknowledge for him swelled, goosebumps traveled down to my arms and I clenched my fist to a salute. I didn't care if he didn't see it. He's _more_ than okay.

I didn't even notice that there were silent tears sliding down to my cheeks until it was continuously dripping on my shirt. Well, I guess the Scouting Legion will have another loyal Cadet under them.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't updated machinations yet  
> my internet left me since january  
> I'm gonna fix it one of these days. but...  
> oh well
> 
> Omake:
> 
> 'It never cease to amaze me that there are still always someone willing to sign up for the scouting legion. Are you secretly recruiting Levi?'
> 
> 'What the fuck are you saying.' Levi absently twists and plays with the rings on his finger.  
> 'What are you saying Levi?! Well Erwin, we have this little skit-'  
> 'Shut the fuck up four eyes!' Levi whacks Hanji with a duster.  
> 'Aww.. you always get antsy whenever it gets too long not seeing Eren! Ouch! Aww- not tha- OUCH! AHHRGH!'  
> 'Not-' whack 'my-' whack 'fault-' whack 'he needs-' whack 'to be-' whack 'hidden.' snap


End file.
